Pause & Rewind: Placenta Pills

I had been struggling with this issue for a while. Jewelry would seem like the obvious option (it even did the job for Margaret Thatcher) except for that my wife does not really wear any jewelry beyond all of the stuff she (we) has (have) bought since she arrived in the golden land of bountiful (cheap) gems (Myanmar).

I then decided that an iPad would be a great gift as it would be practical for her to use during her maternity leave  (i.e. it looks like you can use it one handed, so she still has a hand free to change a nappy or something) and a welcome distraction from the baby. Furthermore, I was on a flight from Manila to Bangkok in which four different families had iPads for their infant children, all of whom were watching something or playing a game. So it would have a dual function (triple if you count the fact that I want an iPad to be able to read a wider selection of magazines and weblines offline). A subtle campaign of iPad promotion ensued and failed as my wife saw straight through my plan, and counter-attacked by refusing to use any apple products brought into the house (including the “family” macbook).

I’d already bought her a bicycle for Christmas two years before, a book would be severely underwhelming as a gift. That is as far as my gift purchasing capacity extends.

Until I read an article about a TV actress who admitted to eating her own placenta. I imagined her having it in a shepherd’s pie (or bolgnese) where you could mash it up and hide the taste with mustard or Tabasco sauce. But in true Hollywood style she had them made into pills, and this is apparently quite common with benefits including:

• Reduction in postpartum depression 
• The ability to improve breast milk supply 
• Increase energy and even prevent aging

Furthermore, "although current research on human placentophagy does not exist, what we do know is that women who take placenta capsules report fewer emotional issues, have more energy and tend to enjoy a faster, more pleasant postpartum recovery."The logic that accompanies this absolutely useful science is also fairly simple: we are the only mammal that does not eat its own placenta.

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Although I'm not convinced, this is one of those trends which the internet is perfect for, as I have quickly stumbled upon a wealth of websites that promise me a range of services that extend to a placenta burials and prints. Suddenly everything seems normal.

This is going to have a secret however (my wife never reads my blog once they are written, though takes great offence that I don’t share them with her whilst I am writing them) and will be a logistical challenge as I will not only need to negotiate to keep the placenta but also get it shipped through cold-storage to Los Angeles. Even counting for the negative testimonials (this New York Times piece does a particular good job), it seems like an opportunity that is too good to miss.