I live and work in the world of Expat Aid Workers, a well-documented group of people who believe they possess a greater sense of world-awareness and understanding. And over the past twelve months that have been dominated by wedding planning, I have had to repeatedly face friends/colleagues/people who superiorly declared: I will never get married, I’m not that kind of person etc.
There is a statement that I wish to openly make, which in my conflict-averse nature I always avoided replying with before:
Getting married is not a lifestyle choice.
For those who haven’t done it, don’t write it off until you have tried it. A person chooses to make a commitment with another person for whatever reasons are specific to their relationship. Indeed in my work I have to try and address the negative examples (note my world-awareness!), but it is never, or very rarely, a simple, binary decision.
Yes, society has created an institution (legally and/or religiously) so that people can make that commitment and for me, to be members of a society, shared and common experiences are essential. Living and working abroad, I believe that is something very important. But because we married people share the same institution, it does not mean we share the same marriage. To make a clumsy analogy: we all wear socks, but we all have very different feet.
So lets not over complicate the story. It is not that you aren’t the marrying type; it is that you have not met someone who has made you reflect on the possibility of going through with it. Or you don’t have the imagination to conceive of a marriage in which you are able to do your own thing. Or simply, you are not the type to meet someone and make a commitment that involves you compromising on whatever you think your life is about.
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| Like putting on a pair of socks |
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